Tuesday, 28 March 2017

BLURRED LINES

Some of us have had friends that our parents weren't too happy about. They were "bad influences" or "unhealthy friendships". She was that friend. But obviously I didn't read the signs or maybe I was just too adamant to not see it.

I didn't think of it too much when she walked behind me as I entered my first classroom. I believed her when she said the other girls in class disliked me and didn't​ want to be friends with me. She warned me about how mean my teachers were and how I should try my best and not grab any attention (which meant, don't ask questions or don't tell answers). She was a "friend" through all of my childhood.

But as we both got older, we grew a lot more closer. Her mantra (Anything that could lead to rejection, is not worth the effort) became my mantra. I changed my wardrobe after she reminded me about what happens to girls who wore short dresses or deep necked tops. I despised public transport because she made me very uncomfortable about crowds. If I wasnt home by dusk, she was there beside me, talking...telling me about things she had read in the paper or saw sprawled across her Facebook wall. Over time, the line between healthy and unhealthy relationships blurred and I didn't even realise it. She was becoming a bigger part of my everyday life than I had ever imagined.
The unfortunate part is that everybody else was trying really hard to tell me but I just refused to listen.

It took me 20 years to realise that it was time to let her go and understand how much I've lost because of her. It's taking me a lot of courage but I think now is as good a time as any to do so. So Fear...If you're reading this....This is me saying good bye and that you need to leave. You were a good friend sometimes but you're starting to be a bit overbearing. But this isn't good bye forever. I wouldn't be human if it was. So until next time...Good Bye!